


Turn Out The Stars

by smxmir



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe, Connor Lives, Cool, Jazz - Freeform, Lots of Music, M/M, Slow Burn, This is gonna be weird, alternate universe - jazz band, theres gonna be a lot of weird jazz lingo in this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-26 21:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12566324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smxmir/pseuds/smxmir
Summary: “You all know what a combo is, right?” He says as he sits himself down in front of them.Connor, Zoe, and Alana all nod slowly, while Jared and Evan stare ahead, slightly confused.He waves his hand slightly. “It’s fine if you don't! So, every few years we get some kids together and make a small band, or y’know, combo, to represent the school. You five are some of the best kids in the program- and I’d like you to be that group this year.”Evan stares ahead, a bit in shock, and then starts to cry.





	Turn Out The Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Have you ever thought about joining the jazz band at school?” His mom says, mouth half full of pizza.
> 
> He freezes, eyebrows knit together as he looks up at his mom. “Not really.”
> 
> “You should! I know I got you a jazz lesson book a few months back, and it’d be a good chance to make some new friends!” She smiles.
> 
> He shrugs. “I guess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i had this au idea a while back because i'm in a jazz band and its a really weird and unique environment, so i kinda took that one like from zoe being in jazz and ran with it. i hope yall enjoy? this is gonna be really weird. chapter title is from the bill evans album undercurrent- which aside from being a phenomenal album, gives me evan vibes. its only guitar and piano for the whole thing and its really laid back and just an overall banger.

One of the few things Evan’s dad left behind in the move was an old upright piano. He had gotten it from his grandparents back when he was still a kid, and they moved it into Evan’s room when he was just three years old, hoping he would grow an attachment and learn the instrument early on.

When the day came for them to gather his boxes, the piano was the last to go, and there wasn’t any space for it to fit in the truck. His dad shruged, giving it a wistful look before ruffling his hair and telling Evan to remember him with it.

After that moment, Evan didn’t want anything to do with the piano. He hated everything about it, the cracking wood and greying keys, and the fact that it smelled like old people and that it was the only thing his dad left for them.

He covered the sides of it with his paints, messy and red until there was nothing left in the bottle. He took one of his tiny play trucks and scratched up the keys until some of the white keys were indistinguishable between the black keys.

He stepped back, proud and smiling, thinking that that would show his dad how upset he was except- his dad was never going to see it because he was never coming back and after his mom saw it she’d probably leave too and he’d be all alone and end up in an orphanage- his thoughts were interrupted with the sound of his own tears- high pitched and fragile.

He sat down on the wall next to the side of the piano, frantically scrubbing at the sides with his shirt, praying that his mom wouldn’t come in and see. He had to fix this before it was too late, before his mom got angry with him.

He heard the sound of his door clicking open, whipping his head back to see his mom standing there, her eyes soft and concerned. She looks at the piano and her eyebrows knit together in mild concern until she sees him sobbing on the floor.

Her voice wavers as she tries to comfort him, but with time she’s able to pry him off the piano and into her arms, reassuring him that it was okay, that he isn’t in trouble and that she wasn’t going to leave.

It drains them both to the core, and that night they fall asleep on Evan’s floor, curled up around each other.

Heidi wakes up sore, her neck aching in a way that she just can’t clear up, but to wake up and see her son sleeping peacefully was worth a whole year of sore necks.

\--

The piano is long cleaned up by the time Evan is ten. It’s collected dust, but neither him or his mother have the heart to move it anywhere else but his room, so there it sits- old and greying with some of the red still visible in its deeper cracks on the side.

He forgets about it. It becomes more of a blank slate for his stickers and pictures that he litters it with, and it’s presence isn’t acknowledged until Jared comes over on a Saturday afternoon.

“Have you ever, y’know, opened this thing?” He asks, staring back at Evan.

Evan shakes his head.

“You should dude- my mom always says that every kid should learn an instrument. That’s why she’s finally letting me take drum lessons. Isn’t that cool?” He grins at Evan.

Evan shrugs, staring at his toes. “I-I don’t really want to play piano. D-do you want to play Wii before my mom gets home?”

Jared smirks. “Hell yeah! Can we play Mario Kart?”

Evan shrugs again, “I guess. Y-you know that’s a bad word right?”

“What, hell? My dad says it all the time in front of me, it can’t be that bad.” Jared laughs as he rushes into the living room turning the TV on.

He tosses Evan a controller, and the conversation ends, with the exception of Jared’s angry protests every time Evan wins a game.

Jared goes home about an hour later, his mom needing him home for dinner that night. Evan finds himself back in his room, staring down the piano and considering Jared’s earlier words.

Should he really learn? The upright brought back a lot of negative memories, but he knew that they couldn’t afford a new instrument for him to learn, and he really did want to play an instrument.

He sighed, opening up the lid over the keys for the first time in years, covering his mouth to avoid the storm of dust arising from the keys.

He hesitantly taps out a few notes, jerking back at the sound. It sounded _horrible_ , but he knew that was from the fact that it hadn’t been touched or tuned in at least eleven years. He goes back, his hands dancing over a few keys before pulling themselves back into his lap.

It’s calming, in a sense, despite how horrible it sounds. He’s a bit entranced by how everything functions inside of it, and by the time his mom comes home he’s able to play hot cross buns without having to stop between each note and think.

Maybe he’ll stick with this.

\--

A week later, his mom comes home with a small stack of piano instruction books and sets them on his bed. He’s trying to clean up the dust a little bit, it was getting a little overwhelming every time he sat down.

She crosses the room and pulls him into a hug. “How’s my little virtuoso doing?”  
He laughs softly, burying his head in her shoulder. “I can barely play a scale, mom. It’s only been a week.”

“I know, I know, I’m just happy for you. I got you some books to help if you want to check those out, okay?” She smiles.

Evan nods, picking up some of the books as she walks out of the room. They’re obviously for kids, but they all seem pretty useful, and some of the songs look like they might be fun to play.

He picks up the top book and opens it up to the first page, trying to understand what it means with little to no avail. He reads and rereads for a while until he thinks he can understand the basis of a staff.

He feels calm, the first time in a while as he sets his hands down and plays, and even though most of notes sound horrible, it’s something that helps.

\--

When Jared tries to pressure Evan into playing something for him, he panics. It’s nothing against Jared, really, but playing piano became something personal to him and he didn’t want to share it with somebody like Jared. He hadn’t even played for his mom yet.

Somewhere in his panic, he can feel Jared resting a hand on his shoulder, trying to shake him out of it.

“Okay- uh, look. I’ll play drums with you if you want me to? I won’t even be able to hear you.” Jared tries hesitantly.

Evan relaxes a bit, making fleeting eye contact with Jared. “M-maybe next week? I’m tired today.”

Jared nods slightly, patting him on the back as he stands up. “C’mon, let’s play some games for a bit. We’ve got two weeks until school starts- let’s make the most of it.”  
Evan smiles, following him into the living room, where the end up messing with the Wii for the rest of the night. (Don’t tell Evan, but Jared totally let him win.)

It’s a week later when they’re back in Evan’s room, a single dismembered drum from Jared’s kit sitting in his lap as Evan stares at the piano.

“Do we have to do this?” Evan says, looking back at Jared apprehensively.

Jared gives him a look, grinning slightly before he starts to tap out a rhythm on the drum.

That’s enough answer for Evan, and he sighs as he begins to tap out the most recent song he’s memorized. Jared quiets down a bit, obviously trying to listen to Evan, but he gets quieter as well, and after a few minutes it fades into nothingness.

“Hey- you’re not too bad.” Jared says setting his sticks down next to him.

Evan nods. “Y-you too.”

\--

They don’t talk about music often, once or twice a month Jared brings a few pieces of his kit over and plays over whatever Evan’s learning at the moment, but it ends there. Jared goes back to being an asshole and Evan goes back to shrinking into himself and that’s that.

Near the end of Freshman year, in one of the fleeting moments Jared actually approaches Evan in the hallway, Evan remembers something his mom told him.

-

_“Have you ever thought about joining the jazz band at school?” His mom says, mouth half full of pizza._

_He freezes, eyebrows knit together as he looks up at his mom. “Not really.”_

_“You should! I know I got you a jazz book a few months back, and it’d be a good chance to make some new friends!” She smiles._

_He shrugs. “I guess.”_

-

“H-hey, do you think I-I should join jazz band?” He offers, quietly, wringing his hands together.

Jared barks out a laugh, short and loud. “You? Performing? I don’t really see it happening, dude.”

He slumps, sighing slightly. “M-maybe we could do it together?

  
Jared laughs again, and he freezes for a moment. “Wait.” He grins. “Do you want to join because of your crush on Z-”

Evan slaps his arm, shushing him. “N-no. My mom just s-said it’d be a way to p-put myself out there.”

Jared shrugs, grin still evident on his face. “Sure she did.” He crosses his arms. “I guess I’ll do it with you. I have an open elective for next year, just send me the info for the auditions.”

He nods, thanking him quietly as they both go into their next class.

\--

Evan didn’t realize that he would have to audition if he wanted to be in jazz next year. There’s no way he could do it. But now Jared is pestering him about what song he’s choosing and he tries to push through his growing nerves as he picks a song from his newer jazz book.

It’s about three pages long, a little bit harder than what he usually plays, and he has no idea how he’s going to be able to tackle it before the auditions next month.

  
He sighs, setting himself down at the piano and scanning through the piece, struggling his way through a first run of it. It’s not easy, even Jared said that he was fucked, and he’s not really sure why he isn’t just giving up now, but he’s got a feeling he’s gonna make it.

When he plays his piece with Jared the day before the audition, Jared is rightfully impressed. He says that he messed up near the end and Evan goes red and circles the last ten measures in pencil before listening to Jared’s play through some simple rhythms that he prepared.

He hopes they end up in the same band. He doesn’t know what’d he do if Jared ended up in a the middle band and he’d be all alone in the lowest band and he’d have to quit because he wasn’t able to handle the workload and- dammit, he should really get his mind off of this before tomorrow.

He spends the night at Jared’s that night, both of them getting up earlier than usual. There’s a knot in his stomach and his hands are sweatier than usual and he doesn’t feel right but they have to get to school so they can get this over with.

He waits for Jared to lead him downstairs, making himself a cup of tea to try and calm his nerves before they both gather up their music and head to school.

In the end, his audition is completely fucked.

His hands were almost too shaky to hit any of the right notes, and he stuttered out his name when they asked for it and he knows, he just knows, that he didn’t get in. He barely made his way through scales, and instead of waiting for Jared to get out, he ran to the bathroom and tried to calm himself down so he wouldn’t get made fun of for crying after his audition.

When he returns, Jared is beaming.

“They loved me! Where’d you go, dude?” He grins, turning to Evan.

Evan shakes his head, staring at his hands and shrugging.

Jared looks him up and down, acknowledging the fact that he looked rightfully miserable and shuts up, leading him out of the hallways.

They don’t talk about it again until results come out- in which they’re both surprised to find they’re in the lowest band together.

Jared pouts a bit, as he was expecting to be placed a bit higher- but he settles with it.

Evan is beyond relieved, not only did he make it, but he’s got Jared there too, and that means he can make it at least half the year before he feels the overwhelming urge to drop the class.

Jared gives him a small pat on the back, an unsaid congratulations to the both of them.

\--

Sophomore year goes by in a flash. Jared finds himself comfortably hanging out with all of the brass section, and Evan, though scared to talk to the rest of the band, is comfortable, happy almost.

He avoids getting solos as if they’re the plague, and their director learns not to avoid highlighting him after he had a panic attack when the song they were reading had a twelve bar piano intro.

The band isn’t good in any sense, but they work together in the best way possible, like a big family, and Evan loves it, really. His playing gets better monumentally, and he really thinks that he’s found a passion in it.

About halfway through the year, his director pulls him aside, handing him a small armful of CD’s, all from jazz pianists that he’s never heard of before. He tells him to listen to them, and that listening was one of the most important parts of jazz.

It’s a weird interaction, Evan thinks, but he accepts the gift and listens to almost all of the CD’s in one night, entranced by the music.  
After that, he really finds a drive to practice, spending hours at the piano, escaping from everything as he just got to sit and play.

He’s substantially better than he was before at the end of the year, but there’s a lot of him that still holds back, and plays quietly, but he’s glad he has the talent to do it.

\--

Junior year is when it really starts to fall apart. He’s moved up with Jared, and they’re both in the middle band together.

This year he’s with Zoe, and he’s absolutely petrified by the fact that he’s going to have to spend the whole year sitting near her and she’s probably going to see him cry at least once and dammit, this isn’t good.

Everyone is better now. And along with being better, came judgement. He could feel eyes burning at the back of his head every time he fumbled his way through a solo, or played a bad chord. It wasn’t fun.

Jared was still there, which was good, and he still talks to him after class, but there was no sense of family every time he walked into the room, instead just a chill.

He dreads sitting down to practice his music, but he's still able to bring himself to play some of the stuff in his books, just to calm him down. He doesn't want to loose the piano.

It gets better as the year goes on, he assumes. Everyone seems to like him, and even Zoe talks to him sometimes.

Even he gets better, after a few talks from Jared and their director which leave him almost scared- but motivated nonetheless. He even finds a friend of their director, who's willing to teach him a few times a month after school for free, which is something that really helps.

So he gets back into a method- it takes almost way too much effort to bring himself to pull out his jazz music and play through it, but he does it- he really does it and everything feels just a little less suffocating.

So when the band goes upstate for a festival that year, he's ready, and they take home a proud sixth place trophy that he treats like his own damn child.

The whole band does a giant group hug, snapping a few pictures with the small award held high over their heads. That picture becomes his lockscreen, eventually, because even through everyone's tired eyes, they're all smiling the widest they possibly can.

\--

A few days before finals, is when things really get crazy. He finds himself cramped on a couch with four other people in their director's office. Jared is scrunched up next to him, Zoe has her arm around who he assumes is her brother, Connor, who’s a bassist in the top band, and Alana, one of the few clarinet players who is firmly rooted next to Zoe.

They sit in an uncomfortable silence, nobody willing to say anything as they wait for their director to come in.

He leaves them to bask in the silence for a few more minutes before he comes in, smiling wide as he greets them all.

“Hey- sorry for the wait kids. You all know what a combo is, right?” He says as he sits himself down in front of them.

Connor, Zoe, and Alana all nod slowly, while Jared and Evan stare ahead, slightly confused.

He waves his hand slightly. “It’s fine if you don't! So, every few years we get some kids together and make a small band, or y’know, combo, to represent the school. You five are some of the best kids in the program- and I’d like you to be that group next year.”

Evan stares ahead, a bit in shock, and then starts to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading!!! i've never written before and i really hope this was good and i hope i can keep it up!! jared's intro is next oof


End file.
